mama gump was right - life IS like a box of chocolates.

it's inevitable, everyone of us goes through a phase wherein things just don't seem to go right.

and while i agree that sometimes life has to give you curveballs because you deserve them and only a major kick in the ass could make you take stock of what you have done and been doing and finally push you out of that rut you've been oh so lazily and comfortably calling home for so long, there are also times when life gives you a wallop because, well, because it just wants to.

shit happens. for no apparent reason.

so the next time you find yourself with that dreadful piece with the "fruit" filling (they usually call it cherry, but i seriously doubt anything that's as wholesome and as good as a gift of nature is actually ever involved in the production of that vile stuff), know that you got stuck with it NOT because you're not as capable as you believed you were, or because you didn't try hard enough, or because somebody's better than you.

and that when the unexpected happens and things don't go as planned, there are things you could still count on to be always there for you. things like jimmy choos to lust after, dance steps to master, baristas to dazzle, friends and family who love you and believe in you no matter what, and the fact that once you get the nasties out of the way, you have the rest of the nougat-caramel-almond-marshmallow filled ones to enjoy.

sometimes, closing your eyes and thinking of england isn't necessarily a bad thing.

everytime they do these "take heart, you don't have to be gorgeous to hook up with a star!" articles in magazines and whatnot, you will likely find nestled among other pictures and names of actors/models/musicians and their less famous celebrity or non-celebrity and therefore "not-so-beautiful" partners, gwyneth and chris martin.

which always puzzled me, really, because chris could be as sexy as brad pitt and infinitely more attractive than gwyneth's other ex-boyfriend, who has always struck me as unattractive and slightly dim, academy award-winning screenplay notwithstanding.

in other words, i'll take coldplay over daredevil any darn time.

except that daredevil wasn't one of the choices last night, so it wasn't that easy a decision. it's just that it had been one THOSE days - my cramps were killing me, my head was throbbing, people were pissing me off, and, since i believe that life couldn't be considered complete until you see liam or noel or, if you're lucky, liam AND noel throwing a hissy fit while playing the last song on their lineup, i was still bemoaning the fact that i was unable to see oasis last monday (apparently, i've been living under a rock the past few months and didn't even know oasis was coming here until the day of).

only when i saw them bringing out the piano did i remember what i really came there for, and then started thanking all the fairy godmothers that made me change my mind about going home and blowing the whole thing off.

suddenly, it was happiness all around.

and as much as i adore guy berryman (H-O-T) and everybody else in the band, chris just draws your attention the moment he sets foot on stage.

i love how he sounds, his falsettos never come off as cheesy and weak (unlike that beautiful but really misguided boy on american idol. somebody should tell him that beautiful pecs and peepers do not make imitating a jackson 5 era-michael less appalling), and gwyneth must be dragging him to her yoga classes because he was just so damn FLEXIBLE. and i LOVED how he looked like when he played the piano, with his whole body crouched down and so into it like, well...



actually, with his blonde curls, he really DOES look like schroeder.

anyway, he was funny and witty (talent and smarts - the man is blessed), apologizing for their "bee gee" like appearances and of how sweaty he was and of their ratty old shirts because they weren't "like celine dion". he warned everybody that he just might have to change shirts onstage because it was so hot. this, of course, was my cue to scream, "omg, yes! take it off! take it off!!!!!"

yeaaaah, remind yourself never to go to a concert with me.

the show was fantastic. i liked the huge yellow balloons (which chris burst open with his guitar, showering the stage with gold confetti like, duh, yellow stars) that floated around while they were playing "yellow", and they played my most favorite of their songs.

they even did a johnny cash tribute. this was also when chris DID take off his shirt. he was introducing the song they wrote for johnny cash when he interrupted himself and said, "this is disgusting.", and stripped off because he didn't want to look like a "sweaty fucking bastard". i almost cried. not even the french could make "fucking" and "bastard" sound so charming.

the beatles, coldplay, oasis, suede, franz ferdinand - i know that a lot of people think they're all overrated but i don't care, i love my british boys.

...

since i've already mentioned american idol and johnny cash, did anybody see chris daughtry sing "walk the line" last tuesday?

wow.

he won't win, though. my top AI picks never do (except for the first season, because i didn't bother watching that. and yes, i rooted for clay aiken. i'm not ashamed of it. much.). but they always end up with better careers, anyway, so it really doesn't matter.
...

don't you worry, british boys still rock my world.

ni hao and dank je.

also known as "because i once made the mistake of thinking that keeping quiet was the proper and right thing to do".*

while i may indulge in a bit of ranting and shameful emo (i wish i didn't feel like a pre-teen indie rocker wannabe everytime i use this word) moments every now and then, i think it's pretty obvious that most of what you get here is superficial fluff (how much could i write about chocolates? oh, sweetie, let me count the ways). i don't have any profound thoughts on anything, i'm not really one to delve into the nitty-gritty, and (i hope) i know better than to share everything that goes on with my life.

that being said, i must admit to still feeling a bit discomfited when i had an inkling that both of you visit me here. we can't exactly be described as friends, after all. and unlike strangers who meet and become online chums, we DO share more than blog links and YM contacts.

but i've thought about it and i've decided that there's really no need for me to be bothered. i'm pretty sure that we all agree that whatever we had gone through together is better left and buried like the undesirable thing that it is. which is not to say that we should be forgetting. oh, dear me, no. as much as it galls me to think of how stupid i was, to completely forget and pretend like no harm's been done would be, i believe, even more foolish.

i'd like to think i'm THAT entertaining and that boredom, and perhaps a little bit of curiosity, have led you here, but even i bore myself so i don't know. if you come here because you feel like asking me some questions which may be bothering you still (i think both of you know how to reach me?), depend on me to give you straight facts. if you're here because of other reasons, like, say, you resent and hate me, well, i can't very well stop you from disliking me. god knows i believed i had reason to feel the same towards you and i did for the longest time. but there is much to be said about recognizing and accepting the truth and using it to your advantage, and since i think that all three of us, in one way or another, have done a lot towards accomplishing just that, it'll be a shame to waste even another thought on something that, as much as we valued it at one point, is undeniably unworthy of even another second of our time. i may be unsure about a lot of things, but i think i'm on the mark with this one.

in any case, thanks for dropping by, feel free to look around and come again if you wish.

just to warn you, though, i wasn't kidding about the chocolates. i COULD go on forever about them.

...
*ETA: i almost used "ni hao and dank je" as a title, but decided not to. i thought i'd go straight to the point for a change. :)

ETA, part 2: i felt like doing it after all.

she doesn't like it when we mention the religion club.

she's all denials when we talk about her being the good girl, or the cute one, or the sweetest one.

she always sighs about being the early bird and always getting there on time, which basically means waiting for at least half an hour before anybody else shows up.

i don't know if it's still there, but her friendster profile had a quote from that chloe character in smallville. something about being somebody's dream girl masquerading as his best friend. she quoted that, not because she had a specific boy in mind, but because she felt that that's how everybody sees her. just good old reliable her whom everybody takes for granted.

it worries her, i know, that people think of her as this paragon of virtue and that they might never get beyond that, never really get to know her, never think about the possibility that she could feel pain and anger and passion and disappointment and that she could even, yes, succumb to the temptations of being evil as much as the next person.

and so, being the good, kind friend that i am, and because it is her birthday, i will list down all the bad and bitchy things she has ever done. you know, to prove that she's made of flesh and blood, and not just of sugar and fluff and downy baby unicorns on pillowy clouds.

you ready, rods?

1. religion club.

i know you're getting sick of us bringing this up every now and then, and that you think we do it because it amuses us to do so, but being associated with it, however briefly, is also possibly the most heinous thing you have ever done and could ever do your entire life.

and i do not say this as a sacrilegious person. it's just that, how should i put this? i don't think arrogance should have a place in anything associated with religion.

2. um, let's see...

uh...

oh...

i'm sorry, that's all i have.

you just have to face it, you ARE the kindest, most generous, most gracious person alive.

and i know that's a bummer, but when you think about how you've saved me (and all those who are lucky enough to have you in their lives) from writing off the whole human race time and time again, well, there are worse things to be, right?

like, say, being the moderator of the religion club.

you have to agree, that would suck.

p.s.

i thought about mentioning that time when you gave in and joined us in eating those hotdog buns that we pilfered borrowed from the caf after CAT, but i used to buy hotdog sandwiches from that caf and only asked for the wieners. they never gave me refunds for all those buns i didn't take, so really that bread we ate was all paid for by me. in a roundabout way.

p.p.s.

i just realized that, what do you know, march 17 is also st. patrick's day. cheers!

an apple nudged newton into formulating the law of gravitation.

a fig newton made me think of this.

yesterday, i was thinking of how easy it is for us to judge each other. a single encounter, an unfortunate faux pas, a terrible first impression and that other person's forever damned in our eyes. or sometimes we catch a glimpse of what he listens to, what he reads, how he dresses, how he talks and already these little wheels in our heads start working on pegging this person as this or that, categorizing and classifying and putting on labels like the good old clinical and functional machines that they are.

but we never really know, do we? that painfully quiet boy (whom you secretly call nerd) in class has the most extensive punk and metal album collection ever, that rude man who wouldn't give up his seat for you is still feeling pain from his leg surgery and thus unable to stand for long periods of time, that surly old lady in the admissions department was one of those topless girls frolicking in the mud at woodstock, that funny man with the different colored socks in the coffee shop this morning is actually almost obsessive-compulsive when it comes to organizing his things except that somebody nicked his laundry from the wash the night before and the stores wouldn't open until 10, that schoolmate you hated for years turns out to be not so bad and even becomes your best friend after you were forced to be her seatmate.

i realized how we are so easily swayed by isolated incidents, our presupposed biases, other people's beliefs (whether it's society telling us what to expect or our friends' opinions), and our limited knowledge and understanding of what and who that other person really is.

we're all guilty of it, we've all been on the receiving end. i've been ESPECIALLY guilty of it so i guess it makes sense that i've been on the receiving end quite a bit, too.

i've been thought of as bitchy, mean, moronic, difficult, foolish, slutty, and probably deserving of the eating disorder that i OBVIOUSLY have.

eating disorder.

the past few weeks, i've been called anorexic more times than i can count. because people see me munching on apples and fat-free yogurt and granola bars, they think i'm this health nut who counts every calorie she consumes. which is a laugh, really, considering how i probably eat enough for three people.

i eat apples and fat-free yogurt and granola bars because i happen to LIKE them. i also happen to like a host of other things, which i do eat all the time in amounts that boggle my mother's mind. i have an m&m dispenser in my room, my cupboard's full of chips (which, to my doctor's horror, i sometimes eat dipped in mayonnaise), my purse is never without a chocolate bar. when i'm in the right mood, i could go toe-to-toe with grown males on dinnerthons. my day is not complete without a cupcake or something equally yummy, equally fatty, equally good enough to increase my risk of getting heart disease tenfold.

i see people look at me with pity, or disdain, or sometimes both when they see me with skim milk and crackers (something which occurs because i actually like skim milk and crackers. and because i feel guilty about finishing half the jar of marshmallow fluff. and because it's lent and i'm giving up doughnuts and coffee for 40 days). i hear them theorize about why i eat like so - "poor girl, it's because of...", "she must be really sad...", "tsk, i hate it when girls do that to themselves...".

i just laugh it off, really (there IS the temptation to go to them and say, "i eat normally, i'm thin, i'm not sad. deal with it and MYOB.", but mostly it's because i like imagining how they'd react if i do that). even though i promised myself that i wouldn't be so quick to make presumptions about other people and that i'll start to go beyond first impressions and what others may lead me to think, i've also learned to accept that people will go on believing what they want to believe. so, people can judge me all they want. as long as i know and i'm sure that i'm not doing anything wrong or hurting anybody, i really couldn't care less if they think i'm this silly, ignorant, evil, calorie-obsessed whore of babylon.

no, i'm not that bothered to know that people think so badly of me.

i just wish they wouldn't finish all the "unhealthy" cookies and leave me with just the fig newtons.

tsk.

you know who are as disgusting as filipino politicians?

girls who only too willingly hook up with other girls' husbands/boyfriends/significant others.

you know who are even worse than them?

guys who lie about having wives/girlfriends/significant others, thereby causing some poor hapless girls to unwittingly be part of that pitiful group mentioned above.

unfortunately for us, the world seems to be overpopulated with these men creatures.

oh, auntie.

if he was able to do it then, what makes you think he's incapable of doing it now? trust me on this, trust me.

do yourself a favor and leave. now. and run as far far far away as you can.

hell, i'd gladly carry you on my back and do all the running for you if you think you're not up to it.

it's almost springtime. time to clean up and start anew. think about it - who sticks with leopard prints in spring?

my point exactly.

happiness is...

catching "pretty in pink" on tv at 1 in the morning

james spader at 1 in the morning

leftover honey garlic bbq wings for breakfast

orange vanilla scrubs, buttercream body frosting and singing to the corrs while taking an extra-long bath

no papers or tests or deadlines looming over a cool but oh so sunny day

sipping hot soya milk while watching the snow angels and snowmen you made the previous week slowly melt

a very funny and enjoyable phone call from somebody you woke up thinking about this morning

shopping for DVD's ("lady and the tramp" 50th anniversary special edition and "pretty in pink")

reliving your childhood and having your first mcdonald's hamburger, fries, and apple pie in months

seeing lady and tramp eat spaghetti for the nth time and not getting tired of it

watching jon stewart host the oscars

watching a song called "it's hard out here for a pimp" win best song at the oscars

i know there's still an hour or so left of it and that tomorrow, especially tomorrow, might change everything, but it's been a good day. a good day, indeed.

and right now, that's all that matters.

i have half an hour before american idol.

this tells me i'm a genius.

which could only mean two things:

a) 99.9% of the world's population are geniuses.

and/or

b) this test was a waste of time.

but please don't let that dissuade you from sparing a couple of minutes and taking it.

because i'm too lazy to think and i'm really hungry and would like to have dinner now before AI starts, could you please answer #24, 28, 30, 31 and 33 for me? (LJ friend answered #28 and #33 for me already.)

...

enjoy your beach birthday bash, fave blogger/chatmate!