in the words of SJP, "i enjoy being a girl."

ah, mango. i used to adore their store in robinson's place. yes, even after that time i tried on a dress only to be told by the salesperson, "uh, do you want to try that with pants?" (can i help it if their tunics looked like mini-dresses on me? and really, it looked very nice. kit would've bought it but i found something more prom-ish.)

but despite our lovely tunic-cum-dress history, i was beside myself with excitement when mango finally opened their first store here earlier this year. never mind that i had to travel all the way to the opposite side of the city - mango was worth all that fuss. or so i thought. i left the store with no bags and a sad heart, bewildered as to why they didn't have the same pretty clothes i remember them selling in manila. it felt like i lost a best friend.

every now and then, i still go to see if i'll fall in love with anything of theirs. sad to say, i'm still waiting for that to happen.

aaaand there's really no reason for me to bore you with all this except that almost everybody i know back home has been talking about nothing else but the mango sale.

two words: good luck.

two more words: comfortable shoes.

and a prayer: that the store's AC won't let you down.

but you know, as much as i hate crowds, i will gladly spend hours standing in line and squeezing through that formidable mass of humanity bent on scoring the most perfect deconstructed skirt if it means being back home and shopping with you.

...

just when i thought this lip balm mecca was the happiest place online (they even have a cheetos lip balm. i'm thinking if i should get it. i mean, you never know when you might need your lips to taste like artificial cheese-dusted fried corn snacks.), i found these:

hello, cuteness.

hello, er, strangeness.

(incidentally, if you're interested in the cereal in their dec. 28 post, i've seen them in stores here.)

...

i think i want new blogs to read.

i hope everybody had a merry christmas.

because i did.

so maybe there ARE a couple of things i like about the season.

like:

a) buying presents.

although i'm not as enamored of shopping as i once was (one of my friends still gripes about the time we spent the whole day trying on green shirts at rob only to get the very first one i tried on. i really don't know why he's complaining - that's nothing compared to the time i dragged my boyfriend all over the city because i couldn't find the school shoes i wanted. that search lasted for DAYS), i like getting presents for friends and family. nothing is more pleasurable to watch than nephews and little sisters gleefully unwrapping and posing with their presents.

i just wish i didn't suck at choosing gifts, though. if you got something really horrible from me, that's because i have bad taste and not because i don't love you, ok?

b) christmas cartoon specials.

merry christmas, charlie brown.

c) goodies are magically appearing everywhere.

fact: chocolate has endorphins, which help combat depression.
fact: dark chocolate is rich in flavonoids, which contribute to a healthy heart.
fact: cranberries are packed with vitamins and antioxidants, which help prevent cancer.

ergo, when i finished that bowl of dark chocolate-covered cranberries, i actually did myself a favor.

ALSO, almost everybody i know prefers white and milk to dark chocolate so everything's being given to me. if that isn't a sign that i'm meant to eat all this chocolate, i don't know what is.

d) work ceased to be mental and emotional torture.

let's put it this way - not all eggnog is created equal.

and it pays to be liked by the beverage bearers.

e) cousins who drive you around, make you laugh, and make you remember how it was like when all of you were silly kids running around the resthouse.

we were disgusting little kids, weren't we? seriously.

f) phone calls and text messages from everybody you love and miss.

g) good food, good company, good conversation.

except that i sort of didn't hold my own on that last one. i'm truly sorry, i meant to brush up on long-forgotten theology and history classes but never got around to doing so. i wonder why? *grin*

thank you, it was very nice of you to have us over.

p.s.
truly, the sotanghon was every bit as good as the pad thai.

god help us, everyone.

i remember the look of horror on my religion teacher's face when i said i didn't believe one had to be Catholic, or even a Christian, in order to get to heaven, and that it was a sign of extreme egoism to believe so.

i didn't take it back then, i'm not taking it back now. it just doesn't make sense to me to assume that Christianity's the only way to go and that we, on the sole basis that we are Christians, have exclusive rights to a blissful afterlife. it's like saying in a universe of probably billions of them, ours is the lone planet inhabited by living creatures.

but i'm sure we're not in the mood to talk about ET and his reese's pieces so let me get back to my point.

just because you believe in God a certain way doesn't mean that you can dismiss how others prefer to believe in Him. i actually think God chooses to manifest Himself to each one of us in the way that we would best understand and accept, be it as Allah or Yahweh or a burning bush or sometimes, not even as, well, a god. there are people who do not necessarily believe in a supreme being but whose lives seem to be an advertisement for the ten commandments and the beatitudes combined.

that being said, whatever i'm going to say next should not be taken as Christian propaganda. nor should it be considered a pro-Bush, racist statement because i abhor inequality and injustice as much as every sensible person does.

you don't believe in Jesus? fine. you don't believe in Mary and the Immaculate Conception? fine. you don't believe the pope is really the representative of God on this earth? fine. you don't trust the Catholic church because of its cruel and bigoted past? fine. so fine that i'll even apologize for all the wrongdoings my church has done throughout the course of history.

all i ask in return is that you extend others the same courtesy.

because you don't hear me saying anything about how you pray to souls of dead relatives, do you? or how i think the concept of holy wars is monumentally stupid (and because i'm fair, i'll admit that remembering the crusades brings me great shame too)? or how i don't believe in reincarnation? or how i think campaigning for christmas cards to be called holiday cards instead might be taking being PC a little bit too far?

so, please, let me not hear you griping about all the Christmas songs you hear, or about how the postal system should be condemned for putting the nativity scene in its stamps for the season, or how unfair it is that everybody's being forced to recognize a Christian holiday when nobody gets days off during other faiths' holy days, or how come there isn't a special day for those who do not practice a religion.

i don't need to hear any of it, no. not when you chose to live in a country that's predominantly Christian but still respects your need to practice your faith or lack thereof. not when i still see you being able to freely build and go to your places of worship. not when people are still being imprisoned for merely making the sign of the cross in a lot of places in this world.

i hope you think about that while you're enjoying yourself sipping on Christmas eggnog, eating Christmas cookies, enjoying Christmas break (because you refused to exchange shifts with that mother who wanted the day off so she could hear mass with her family), and opening the Christmas presents you have been gladly receiving.

pardon me. it's the season, you see.

guess how many times i slipped today? five. and although not one of them was as bad as that time a couple of years back when, a second after i stepped out of the car, i found myself flat on my back, staring up at the cloudy, sun-free sky (this OF COURSE had to happen just as the stoplight turned red. my little sideshow was thus seen and loudly appreciated by a schoolbus full of cheering kids, and buses and cars of people who were only too happy to have their minds taken off the hell that is called driving in slush.), it was still five times more than i cared for.

guess how long i shovelled snow today? i can't tell you the exact time because my brain wishes to shut off the nightmarish memory, but it was long enough for me to still feel like i'm nothing but a big lump of pain.

and so, to the next deranged person who wishes for a white christmas: go shove(l) it up yours.

take the cannolis.

i love my jillian, my kayanna, my adele, my destiny, my derek (i don't care what his dad says. in my book, derek is only spelled one way).

but for one godchild that i know and adore, there's one that i haven't seen since that day i stood with his parents in front of a priest and vowed to be their guide and guard them from evil.

how i'm supposed to protect them from satan and all his works when i'm clueless about their names let alone their whereabouts is still very much a mystery.

i take that back, SOME of the parents do make an effort to remind me of their child's existence towards the end of the year. on which occasion i would inevitably be subjected to endless tales of what my godchildren did the previous 364 days, how they are such excellent students, what good kids they are, and how they take so much after me, their darling ninang. my poor godchildren, on the other hand, would be sitting there uncomfortably, wondering who on earth is this girl they're supposed to make mano to, and wishing that their moms could finish with their monologues so they could go spend christmas the way they want to, playing with friends and family that they actually know.

can't blame them, i would rather celebrate the holiday with people i know myself.

it's not that i mind being asked to be a godparent. if all my friends and all my family deem me worthy of being part of their children's lives like that, i'll wonder what madness made them think so, but will also accept the responsibilities with joy. yes, responsibilities, because isn't that what godparenting is all about? once you're asked to be one, you automatically become a child's guardian, guide, role model - someone who will take a special interest in his upbringing and growth. people seem to have forgotten that, with parents choosing godparents for all the wrong reasons.

the very first time i was asked to be a godparent, i turned to my mom in fear. during the ceremony, i was so nervous when i was repeating all those vows that i dripped hot wax all over my shoes. up to this day, i still don't understand how those people came to the conclusion that an 11 year-old girl could grasp something as important as being a godparent. in retrospect, they probably didn't understand it themselves either.

you don't ask people to be your child's godparents because you're scared you might offend them if you don't, or because they're your cousins and your parents think it'll be an excellent idea to ask them even if you don't really agree with how they choose to live their lives, or because you spent one summer playing tag and chinese garter with them, or because you know how generous they are to their other godchildren, or because you grew up three houses from them and occassionally see them in block parties, or because you caused them hurt in the past and are now hoping to regain that friendship that seemed to disintegrate when you broke up with them (when my friend found herself in this situation, she was agonizing on whether to accept or not. i told her she couldn't be blamed if she refused. even though i was sorry that baby lost the chance to have the best godmother she could have, it was unacceptable for her parents to use her like that). you don't really want a virtual stranger or somebody you don't really like taking part in your children's lives now, do you?

that being said, if you're going to ask me to be your baby's ninang, please make an effort to know my middle name at least. so i could pretend that it's really personal and not just business.

because i do things in my own sweet time

i felt so dehydrated the other day that my thirst was only exceeded by my frustration at finding the office cooler all out of water. i played with the idea of going down to the coffeeshop to get something, but since i came in an hour late and was asked to work on something that had everybody chewing their nails, i didn't think seeing me go traipsing to the elevators would improve anybody's mood.

and since there weren't any able-bodied boys in the area to help a poor damsel in distress, i did what any girl in desperate need of water would do.

i hoisted a water bottle that weighed as much as i do, and replaced the empty one. i'm not going to deny that for a split second, i thought i was going to die. but before i could finish imagining the headlines sure to be generated by such an event, i finally got the thing to where it's supposed to be.

if thirst transforms me into a female hulk (although the bruce banner version still has more impressive pecs, darn it), imagine what i'm like when i'm hungry. i could actually give kids (possibly, grown people too) nightmares.

...

i know i promised that i was going to do it the weekend before last, but i got too distracted by cartoons.

so i made up for it by spending the last three nights immersing myself in everything harry potter, from the goblet of fire to the half-blood prince (i've also spent the last three days feeling like an inferi, but i guess that's not too far from my usual state because nobody at work and in school seemed to notice anything amiss).

almost six months after i broke tradition and woke up before noon on a saturday, waited in vain for a book that i had delivered to the office by mistake, spent the whole day sulking and drowning myself in doughnuts and raspberry marshmallows as if all the sugar in the world could make me feel better about my stupidity, i finally got the chance to sit down and see what my sisters have been banned from talking about since july (if i'll ever need proof that my sisters loved me, i'll just have to remember how they, innate chatterboxes that they are, managed to control themselves from giving me any spoilers. i'm still amazed at how they were able to do it, there were times when they were visibly struggling with themselves).

anyway, pretend you haven't gotten over HP VI:

- j.k. rowling, i love you, but how you described that thing called love made me laugh. furry beast that purrs? oi.

- i've always loved my weasleys and ginny didn't disappoint me. from the moment she started giving people lip in book V, i knew she was my girl.

"phlegm" - hahahaha.

- i have no idea who R.A.B. is. maybe it's sirius' brother? regulus black?

- snape could very well be harry's gollum.

- methinks j.k. rowling's going to extend the series. unless she's planning on a very lengthy book VII. i can't help but feel that she laid grounds for three more books, at least.

- hermione, at her most condescending, reminds me of somebody i know.

...

changing water bottles and a book that the whole world has read half a year ago?

i think i've sunk into an all-time low.

if everybody's predictions do come true and i DO end up as that crazy lady you see muttering to herself while the doves shit on her, go through my broken-down shopping cart of belongings and you'll find a pair of shorts that i've had since i was 10, movie stubs of harry potter I-IV and the LOR trilogy, a bunch of papers that served as my diary (i never got around to writing them in a proper journal), an envelope of my most favorite sanrio stationery (a remnant of that time when there was only one gift gate and getting your hands on anything with hello kitty was akin to finding the holy grail), palanca letters from high school, my barbie figurine-panini sticker album, drafts of my old evals, and a whole lot of other items which i, pack rat that i am, have somehow managed to keep all these years.

i realize how pointless it is to hold onto things which just take up valuable space and are of no imminent use to anyone anymore (except for the shorts, which i wear when i have to paint fences or scrub windows or some other chore that sounds as horribly domesticated), but everytime i try to throw them out, i find all sorts of excuses to put the purging off.

i feel the same about friendships.

even if i know that we experience more awkwardness and stress than enjoyment each time we find ourselves conversing with each other, even if i don't agree with what you do or say, even if i may not like you very much, even if i know YOU don't like me very much, this weird sense of loyalty prevents me from breaking all ties and saying goodbye.

one of these days, i'll learn how to do the right thing without feeling sad. until then, i'll be thankful that some people are not as silly and ridiculously sentimental as i am, and actually know when to let go of friendships that don't seem to be worthy of being kept anymore.