i've been dreaming of him again.

i don't understand it.

ok, he's cute. and he used to be thin like how i like my boys, but even then he was always too fair, too boyish-looking, too pretty - so unlike the lean, dark, bad, quiet ones that i've always been attracted to ( think wentworth miller- dark. yeah.).

i don't know, maybe it's because he's so passionate about the things he loves like his music and his games and his sports and his friends. or maybe it's because of how he writes. or maybe it's because he's fearless when it comes to telling everybody what he thinks or feels is right even if it means going against popular opinion. maybe it's all of the above.

but still, it's been ages since that day when i used up every ounce of my creativity to make up an excuse just so i could stay late in school and see him.¹

or those days when cold summer nights made me think of him.

he's happy with his someone and he hasn't really been a part of my life lately so, yes, i don't understand why the past three nights have seen me dreaming of francis.

francis magalona.

i know he used to have a blogger one, but why oh why didn't anybody tell me had a multiply blog?

i found a link to it last week and i've been lurking since then. i love how he gets so excited about spending time with his family and friends, how he wrote about his parents, and how, like a little kid, he got so excited about getting an xbox.

if i were a celebrity, i probably would think twice before revealing so much of myself, but he is just so candid about his past, addiction and all, and what he really thinks of other celebrities (he had this blistering post about LA lopez, but he took it down after LA apologized to him. which i guess was the right thing to do, but that post made me laugh so much, i wish he hadn't deleted it.) and philippine politics.

but best of all, i love how he talks about his family and how close he seems to be with them (check out his valentine's day post. after i read it, i didn't know whether to envy his wife or his daughters more).

i know i am being shamefully fangirlish, but you have to understand - this was the boy who made me learn how to do the running man. and actually do it in public.²

if that ain't love, i don't know what is.

1. my parents were so so so strict that i wasn't allowed to watch his concert when he had one in my school, so i made up an after-school activity which bought me enough time to wait for that garish royal tru-orange bus and see him and his band go around the campus and set up. and no, i didn't ask for an autograph. i was a bit more refined then, haha.

2. with my best girls, grade 5 christmas party, "cold summer nights". in denim cut-offs, to boot. NOT my proudest moment.

blogging while taking a five-minute break(fast)

best friend rodeline, who's working on her master's degree, just sailed through her thesis defense and is now running for cum laude.

queenie passed the med boards.

i sometimes wonder why my friends' talents and drive don't rub off on me. *sigh*

congratulations, rodel! i agree with your adviser, go for the PhD!

congratulations, queenie! pocahontas is now dr. pocahontas, yay!

...

i thought about saying something about yesterday's coup d'etat.

but it's early in the morning, sunlight is filtering through my window despite the cold, i just made myself a cup of tea, there's a mountain of papers and articles staring back at me, and a 20-page paper due tomorrow is demanding to be written.

in other words, now is NOT the time to dwell on a subject for which i have much loathing.

i have to leave you with this observation, though: gloria's survived three coup attempts. the woman is proving to be as hard to get rid of as a stubborn fungal infection. scary, huh?

...

Canada, US mourn Olympic hockey loss.

that's what happens when you take something for granted.

not only do you miss out on the gold, you can't even manage to get third best.

because i don't feel like writing about the things which i should probably be thinking and talking about

and because i absolutely must begin reading resource materials for my paper which i should've started writing three weeks ago, i feel like sharing why procastinators such as myself perform daily rituals and sacrifices to thank the internet gods:

a) thanks to coathangerwings, i can now make "paper" dolls of myself.

i wish there was a way to change the outfits' colors so as to make them truly identical to the ones i actually have in my closet, but since i can't, i guess i'll just have to buy a blue blazer and bag.

seriously, what's not to love about a site that not only gives you a maddeningly addictive activity to waste time on, but also provides you with an excuse to go shopping?

b) reading about my favorite orange swits . i have fond memories of these rubbery candies. long bus rides to baguio and pampanga and gapan would have been a lot more hellish without orange swits to preoccupy your mouth and jaw with. orange swits and and zest-o, which i hated and only drank when forced to take said bus trips.

incidentally, i got this site from online crush. now say what you will about my taste in men but with online crushes, i find gold. not only is he friends with people who write about cheesedogs and lechon manok (i just wish this lord eric wasn't so mean to them. when you're interning in a sleepy town and living with a foster family who, nice as they are, would not seem out of place in a 50's black and white movie, you will learn the therapeutic -and sanity-preserving- value of cheap snacks you can smuggle up to your room along with the bottles of red horse from the store downstairs. red horse, not because we were tough, but because in those days, attempts to look for san mig light outside manila would just have gotten you blank stares in return), he also writes the loveliest posts about his girlfriend.

c) finding out that i'm not the lone person in the world who's dismayed at people who don't seem to know how to use pronouns.

misspellings and grammatical errors, i could live with; we all have our barok moments, after all. but i don't know, there is something soooo wrong about:

"teka lang, get me muna ng food."

or

"umalis me kahapon."

oh, and let's not forget the ubiquitous "po", which, strangely enough, is conspicuously absent when conversing with the elderly and other individuals who actually merit courteous language.

"sorry na po, wag na u magalit."

"ay, wait lang po."

it evokes the most violent reaction, however, when it's with its partner-in-crime, "hello".

as in "hello po, kumusta na?"

grrr.

it bothers me as much as people who insist on typing LiKe THiS (or lIkE thIs) ala papemelroti circa 1996.

d) i saved the best for last:

whoever put together this site, god bless you. hot actors playing hot doctors fill my heart with joy.

(and notice how the doctors have almost the same surname? shepherd and shephard. just felt like throwing that little bit of trivia while i'm at it.)

just a few more tweaks and we're done.

"hello?"

"oh hi, hija. erm, is... is your mom...is your mom wake up?"

i say, thank god for sesame street.

...

for those of you who were kind enough to ask:

yes, i'm alive.

i'm sorry if i've been relatively quiet; i've been preoccupied with thinking about things and, well, other things.

and yes, this time, thinking is good. and the things that i've been preoccupied with have been and will be good.

so you, my friends, could be happy for me if you want.

even if my vocabulary has dwindled to "things" and "good".

...

i think some of you will understand why i wish i was able to buy this mark ryden work:

i know, i know.