philip pullman, calvin and hobbes have to wait.

i find a lot of things extremely difficult to do, but i think my top 3 would have to be:

a) forgiving;

b) forgetting;

and

c) finding the right pair of pants/jeans.

my body (to match my character, i guess) absolutely refuses to be anything but contrary. gap just came out with all these types and cuts - one for every body type there is. i wish there was a "guaranteed fit, or you get five thousand bucks" clause, because i would then have the money to go home this christmas AND welcome the new year with celeste in germany (celeste, i hope by this time you already have a german boy touring you around. and don't forget my strudel and sausages!!!).

in a world of size 0's, i'm a -1.

and even if i get pants that fit me in the waist, i'll still have to worry about the hip and thigh area. i'm too thin for the ones designed for curvy women, but not linear enough to fit in the ones meant for the skinny girls.

a 30" inseam is perfect for me when i'm barefoot (i'm a whopping 5"2), but looks a wee bit short when i wear shoes with even a hint of a heel. a 32" leg looks great when i'm wearing heels, but drags just a tiny bit when i wear flats. i usually just get the 32" inseam, dump them in the dryer for some major heat treatment, and then cross my fingers that they'll shrink to the perfect length for me (something in between 30" and 32", so i guess that's a 31" ?).

and yes, i have taken some pairs to be altered, but even if those lovely seamstresses are able to help me with the length, they can't do jack with the fit sometimes.

out of the twenty or so pairs in my closet, only three fit me okay. they don't even fit me well, just okay. sort of like how people love me, come to think of it.

i've long given up hope of ever finding the perfect pair. but today, i think i struck gold. well, maybe gold-plated (and i'll tell you why in a second).

i saw them hanging on the rack at aritzia and i felt something tingle - my sixth sense was screaming for me to go and try them on. so i did. and they were almost perfect (wait, wait, give me a few and i'll tell you why they missed getting the perfect score.). they hugged my not-so-thin, not-so-round contours just right; they were made of this beautiful, dark gray tweed; the length was just a fraction of an inch longer than it should have been; the lining felt soooo silky smooth and soooo good on my skin.

the only thing i didn't love was that it had a price tag of $150. that's a paltry sum for people who are dead serious about what they wear, i know, but when you're THIS close to being destitute like i am, that's a lot. so i hesitated for a full ten seconds before resolutely marching to the counter, where i whipped out my trusty mastercard (the visa's been retired - it couldn't take any more abuse) and bought myself some self-love.

and after that, i just HAD to get this teeny-tiny-but-oh-so-cute jacket in khaki (they were on sale so i got my sister the pink one, too. her boyfriend thinks our jackets look weird, but i don't care. i adore them, my sister and i could pull them off, and that's that.) to wear with it.

next week, H&M is launching stella mccartney's limited collection. dear god, i hope she made her clothes small because the long-neglected girl inside of me is still demanding for a little bit more attention.

...

to pam (whose choice of a halloween costume fits her to a T. had i known that, i would've written you a complaint about not finding manolos that i can afford): thanks for the very sweet offer, but tonight's shopping jaunt renewed my hope.

today, pants. tomorrow, who knows? i just might be able to find those goshdarn TimTams.